im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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