I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Boobs speak an international language.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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