conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
