I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Are we still banned from the library?
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
