nut hugger
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
that may or may not have been my penis.
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