oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
