i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.�
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
