My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
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