The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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