Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
