The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
