bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Randomize
