So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Randomize
