He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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