Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
