That reminds me...we need to get swords
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Randomize
