is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
