Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
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