Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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