i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Dicks are not precious.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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