just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
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