I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
