I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
