Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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