dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Randomize
