she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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