So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
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