people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
