I'm lost and stupid without you.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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