hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
