Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Randomize
