Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Randomize
