Even water is tasting like jack daniels
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
