she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
