my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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