I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
