one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
