One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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