@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
