I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
