Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
