you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
