STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
