she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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