you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
