Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
