o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
