I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Randomize
