dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
