worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
